pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
