Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
