dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
