It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
