I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
