Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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