Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
