is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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