Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
even my farts smell like vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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