Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
