JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
