Your tits are I can't wait for
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
