She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
