I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
