Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
