she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
