She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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