You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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