Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
