Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
