Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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