he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
