Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
