Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
