I accidentally burped into my bong.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize