sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
