So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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