I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
