Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
