I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize