whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize