Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize