Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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