Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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