Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
