all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
