Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
