just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
