And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
