I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
