Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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