Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize