the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
