I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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