Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
