ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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