i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
