I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
