oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's always time for handjobs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
