capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
