My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
