in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
