Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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