I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
