he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
