I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
