i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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