You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
