How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize