Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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