ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
