We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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