clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
