my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
